My relatively drama-free nineteen years of experience has come to an end. And I guess it's my fault, as well. Actually, I know it's my fault. This post has no form, no flow, just what I feel right now. I hate to be cheesy but this is still practice for my pending writing comeback. Bear with me (yeah, Pinx, i'm talking to you).

I've never really liked anyone before, save for a few major crushes. After all, i've always been concentrated on my academics and I really don't know a lot of guys to begin with. I guess I was (am) an innocent goody two shoes..boring and plain. Heh. We can't all be gorgeous, can we?

I digress.

I thought I finally met the guy who would make me swoon and blush. For a while, I was convinced that he was they guy that'd maybe make me (insert the cheesiest expression here. I feel stupid typing it. First letter for each word: F, I, L respectively). I got so caught up with feeling so attracted and connected to him that I managed to convince myself that I really, really, really, really like him. And it's not that I don't. That's my problem. I like him but I don't know how much. Maybe i'm trying to over-analyze everything but I'm not convinced that i'm in deep attraction with him. He doesn't know me much and I don't know about him much. And the 'connection' i'm talking about, does it count? I'm doubtful and I'm left with a lot of questions that my trusty textbooks and academic research cannot answer. For the first time, I am left with trusting my instincts but I don't know how. I'm so used to being cognitive that my instincts have taken the back seat for the longest time.

So, what now?

I don't know. I still like him and I still want to know more about him and I want him to know more about me. I'm tempted to say that i'm going to take one day at a time but right now, even one day seems too much. The little girl is growing up, I think and I need a hand to hold to guide me through this. Damn it! I'll take Media Law any day over this crazy heart/life stuff! What I desperately want is for him and I to work out. I will try and try until I find trying a waste of time. Until I get tired of trying. Until I find someone/something else to bother with.

For a smart girl, I can be totally clueless about other stuff.