Today was my first week at work and although I was prepared for the changes that will occur in my life, I don't think I could've expected exactly how misplaced I would feel once I enter the workforce--the call center industry, especially. I've always been proud of the fact that i'm younger than the usual applicants and I maintain that my age is not at all a hindrance to my ability, seeing that i'm actually at par (if not better) than other people who are older than me. It's not my age that's the problem, it's my experience--or lack of them, to put it more aptly. I've always known that I was sheltered but never knew until now up to what extent. Getting along with different kinds of people isn't a problem on my part, it's not losing myself that will a challenge, I think. I think of myself as soft cement. I could follow any mould and I still don't know how I should turn out and (God forbid) I could very well turn out crooked or uneven. It scares me because I know how easily I get swayed and although I'll be trying my damned hardest to maintain who I think I am right now, I know that I will change; I will adapt to the environment that I am now a part of; I will lose some of myself in the course of this experience.

I miss Merlynn and Pinky badly, really, I do. At the risk of sounding needy and even more immature, I believe that I could pull through with this experience with less scars with them around. FOr four years, they kept me grounded and perhaps I depend on them mor ethan I dare to admit. I miss them and I wish that we could've gotten in the same company now.

I miss school. That was my comfort zone, thel earning environment I so meticulously draped over my existence for more than 15 years. I already miss projects and quizzes and prelim exams where if you mess up, tehre'll be other opportunities to even up the score. The way I see it, I have to do more than just average to succeed, and I really really want to succeed. I miss summer vacation. Even though I don't really do anything special during vacation, it's the time where I get to sleep in and watch TV the whole day, now it is no more. I kind of feel that a bit of my innocence has already been taken away from me, having been 'pushed' into the real world so soon.
I wish I could go back to school, I wish I could be a university student again, I wish that this is just a crazy dream and that I wake up as a freshman in the Faculty of Arts and Letters. But in case this is really real, I have to prep myself for the pending changes that I am sure to encounter during my stint as a working girl. It's tough to imagine that i'll be working for many many years ahead. The only consolation? Payday. Lol.